Microsoft Offers Students Cut-Price Infuriating Crap ('story' 1st published 18-09-09)

[Basil Chupin]

STUDENTS can have Windows 7 irritate the shit out of them for a reduced 
fee of £30, Microsoft has announced.

The offer is a massive reduction on the standard £80 price tag, but with 
the same range of state-of-the-art features specifically designed to 
send you hurtling towards the very brink of violent insanity.

The company said the operating system will be ready to download from 22 
October and after clicking through all the user agreements and 
restarting your system 85 times it should be ready to install 
unsuccessfully by Christmas.

A Microsoft spokesman said: "This is a great opportunity for young 
people to claw at their skulls and scream 'no, no, no, I do not want to 
load any more f*****g updates, you utterly horrifying box full of evil' 
while trying to arrange cups of coffees and study sessions with their 
new college pals."

The company insisted the offer was a 'helping hand to our next 
generation of leaders in tough economic times' while industry analysts 
said it was obviously nothing more than Microsoft's last, desperate 
attempt to stop Google from culling it like a fattened pig.

Windows 7 has been introduced after Microsoft admitted its Vista 
operating system was a 'less good product' in what IT experts have 
described as the most ambitious understatement since the captain of the 
Titanic reported some slightly damp tablecloths.

IT consultant, Charlie Reeves, added: "Vista was 'less good' in the same 
way being tortured for three months in Abu Ghraib is 'less good' than a 
Belgian three-way with Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan."

Meanwhile first year student Nathan Muir said: "My degree involves 
desktop publishing, spreadsheets and multimedia presentations, so I'm 
really looking forward to a hopeless series of meaningless error 
messages before crying myself to sleep every night."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/microsoft-offers-students-cut%11price-infuriating-crap-200909182075/

-- 
"Aaah....another pointless day when I've achieved nothing."
                   Bender, Futurama.