Offering help / introducing myself

[wayover13]

christoph-haas Wrote: 
> On Thu, 4 Nov 2004 00:28:08 +0100, Christoph Haas wrote:
> > Dear fellow communists...
> > 
> > Everyone who is is not interested in yet another self-portrayal
> please
> > skip this posting. :)
> > 
> > I am quite new to Ubuntu Linux. But considering the age of the
> > distribution - who isn't. Let's say I fell in love with the ease of
> > Ubuntu Linux after hassles with any other distribution. For the last
> two
> > years I have been a Debian addict and have been contributing to the
> > project. Mostly because technically it is a great distribution. Some
> > other aspects however often appeared not just that great to me. I
> > already had some contact with Ubuntu developers on IRC and found the
> > people very friendly and open-minded.
> > 
> > So who am I? I'm a 31 year old graduate living in Hamburg/Germany
> with
> > my wife and my son. I am devoting most of my spare time to
> open-source
> > software in general. Some projects that are relevant here:
> > 
> > - Hosting/running/developing mentors.debian.net
> >         (an all new developed repository system for new maintainers,
> presented in a
> >         speech at the LinuxTag 2003, gave me a lot of understanding
> of the package
> >         format and how uploading to repositories work)
> > - Maintaining 5 Debian packages currently (I'm living in the NM
> queue)
> > - Writing tutorials (most famous: Postfix tutorials on
> workaround.org)
> > - User support on #postfix, #squid and #debian-mentors
> > - Maintaining a company-wide Debian mirror
> > - Held Debian workshops at work
> > 
> > For a more complete description please see
> http://workaround.org/ubuntu/
> > (also linked from the MaintainerCandidates Wiki page).
> > 
> > After trying out Ubuntu Linux and following the mailing lists and
> IRC
> > channels I decided I would like to contribute. Unfortunately the
> project
> > does not offer a "Which button do I need to press if I want to help"
> page.
> > So I thought I'd just propose a few topics that I would enjoy working
> on
> > and see what you say. Please bear with me if the ideas sound mad...
> > 
> > - Mentors/New-Maintainer's corner
> > 
> >   I have some experience with the new maintainer's process in Debian
> >   from the new-maintainer's point of view. Some aspects of the new
> >   maintainer's guide have already bothered me. I even thought about
> >   writing an additional guide about how to build multi-binary
> packages
> >   because that's an FAQ in #debian-mentors. My experience that I
> gained
> >   in running mentors.debian.net also helped me understand the upload
> >   process. So this proposal either veers towards the doc project or
> a
> >   completely new corner. What about having a contribution repository
> for
> >   packages from non-maintainers so that Ubuntu
> developers/sponsors/mentors
> >   may do some QA and use the package?
> >   Relevant links to former mailing list postings:
> >   http://tinyurl.com/7x5ao
> >   http://tinyurl.com/5d93g
> > 
> > - Server Maintenance
> > 
> >   For my living I'm working in the network security team at a large
> >   mail order business. I am maintaining a dozen Debian servers
> there.
> >   My background spans Perl, PostgreSQL, MySQL, Bind, Apache, Squid,
> iptables,
> >   Postfix and Mailman. So if anyone in the project feels they could
> use a
> >   helping hand in running the infrastructure let me know.
> > 
> > - Mirror
> > 
> >   I could possibly arrange for sponsored rack space at my local
> ISPs.
> >   My first thought was to offer additional mirrors.
> > 
> > - Documentation / Translation
> > 
> >   I like to write documentation. I have been writing larger documents
> in
> >   Docbook-XML and am quite familiar with Wikis. I could support the
> >   documentation team (perhaps even with developer-centric articles
> and
> >   documentation). Or I would help to improve the l10n of programs.
> > 
> > - Doing package maintenance
> > 
> >   Although I'm probably not the greatest package maintainer of the
> world
> >   I have already done a few .deb packages. I could imagine that
> Ubuntu
> >   may need distribution-specific packages. Or I would offer help as
> a
> >   mentor for new maintainers.
> > 
> > - Managing mailing lists
> > 
> >   Ubuntu still has already a few mailing lists to offer. Often enough
> people
> >   are too dumb to properly unsubscribe or need general help. If there
> is
> >   need for mailing list admins or moderators...
> > 
> > - Ubuntu Magazine
> > 
> >   I have already seen a number of very well done FAQs/tutorials on
> the
> >   web page. What would you think of an online magazine? A mixture of
> >   Debian-Weekly, Slashdot and the FAQs? Like a biweekly/monthly issue
> on
> >   certain user-centric topics? Why that? Well, I'm maintaining an
> online
> >   magazine for PDAs since 1997 and liked writing. Possible headlines:
> "Moving
> >   from Debian to Ubuntu" or "Deploying Ubuntu in your company".
> Perhaps
> >   that makes users look more frequently at the web page or feel more
> >   "at home" if they feel they can learn new things. (On the other
> hand
> >   the web site could need some cleaning up. The Wiki is nice but
> some
> >   information is hard to find without using the 'Search' feature.)
> > 
> > - Web site programming
> > 
> >   Debian has a lot of information online on the web sites. What
> about
> >   packages.debian.org or db.debian.org in Ubuntu? I love to develop
> >   user interfaces. More transparency couldn't hurt. Wishes?
> > 
> > - QA
> > 
> >   As Ubuntu releases quite often there needs to be people that do QA
> before
> >   a release. I didn't find such a 'Team' on the web page. If I don't
> find
> >   errors in desktop applications my mother-in-law probably will. :)
> > 
> > I could go on and on. But some of you have probably already fallen
> > asleep. So if anyone feels that I could help the project in general
> or
> > wants my help in their team I would love to see a followup or an
> email.
> > I am employed so I could not work full-time but I'd be willing to
> devote
> > about 5-10 hours per week to the project.
> > 
> > Thanks for reading. I'm looking forward to comments.
> > 
> > Cheers
> >  Christoph
> > 
> > P.S.: On the freenode.net IRC network you may /msg me as 'ChrisH'.

We were quite impressed with your credentials, Chris.  However, one
thing remains to bring you up to Ubuntu developer standards: the
Advanced Tech Initiation Ritual (ATIR--an acronym which means
"universal wisdom in the highest order of cosmic powers, enabling one
to chew gum, smoke cigars and lecture on advanced philosphical subjects
at one and the same time" in Swahili).  Here's how it works: you, having
thoroughly prepared yourself both mentally and physically, come to
Ubuntu world headquarters in Orpotiloniisuy, Kenya, where initiation
ceremonies are conducted.  There, we have prepared a large mud pit
approximately 100 meters long by 40 meters wide.  It is called "slime
pit of highest realization" by the locals for short.  You will be
required first to disrobe and enter the mud pit, singing refrains from
an early draft of the latest LSB standard in a high-pitched, sonorous
voice.  In the mud pit, an elderly matroness from the venerable
Ypooorduts tribe dressed in an aardvark-hide bikini and slathered in
elephant grease will be awaiting your arrival.  Do not be disturbed by
the badminton racket she holds: it is an autographed replica of the one
used by the world-renowned Popoopo Kladdkiop, Ugandan national badminton
champion, the year he won his 9th straight world chamionship badminton
title in 1907.  His record has not been matched to this day.  But I
digress: the racket is relatively harmless.  Upon entering the mud pit,
you will next be required to get on your hands and knees and begin
crawling.  As you crawl through the mud, singing refrains from the LSB,
the elderly matroness will pursue you, striking you repeatedly about the
buttocks and private parts and shrieking curses in Urdu.  She's a rather
frail old dame, so it shouldn't be very painful.  She has been expressly
instructed not to jump on your back and begin chewing your earlobe, as
she so loves to do.  However, since her memory is failing more with
age, we cannot assure you she won't forget: in case this happens, you
will be allowed to start the ritual--which would otherwise have to be
considered invalid--over again.  This ceremony symbolizes the journey
of the programmer's soul through the nether regions of technical
desuetude and mathematical uncertainty.  The soul's object is to escape
to the other side--the far end of the mud pit, while being pursued by
forces of uncertain intentions and linguistic ability.  The matroness
and her racket are, at one and the same time, your greatest asset and
your most difficult obstacle.  May the powers of Juiplikogsdi guide you
through this difficult and enlightening ordeal.  Your arrvial at the far
end of the mud pit signifies your successful completion of the ritual
and entrance into highest enlightenment.  There, you will be greeted by
the entire membership of the Zimbabwean national ostrich polo team on
their mounts--a token of the ranks of ultimate victors into which you
will be entering.  

Anyway, after this, let's talk some more about how you can help Ubuntu
development.  Oh, and by the way, you can't take a shower for two weeks
after successful completion of the ritual, or its effects are considered
null.

Mr. Klpitmutuu Wqeyivors
Spiritual director of the Ubuntu Development Team and resident
witch-doctor


-- 
wayover13