Apple to copyright individual letters

[scott]

On 03/23/2011 09:50 PM, Basil Chupin wrote:
> STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.
>
> At a state of the art press conference, the overpriced geegaw 
> obergruppenfuhrer pledged to start with the letter 'a' and hopes to 
> have all the vowels protected by 2015.
>
> Once all the letters of the alphabet have been secured the company 
> will then move on to punctuation and eventually gain control of all 
> numerals between 0 and 9 and any others that you may be hiding somewhere.
>
> Jobs said: "I© lo©o©k fo©rwa©rd to© the© da©y a©ll se©nte©nce©s lo©o©k 
> li©ke© thi©s.
>
> "The day we copyright the copyright sign is going to be an interesting 
> one and may give us a glimpse into what infinity looks like. Wow."
>
> Before moving onto vowels, Apple's first legal battle will be against 
> the unknown composer of the 8th century poem /Beowulf/ in a test case 
> to prove the company has intellectual property rights over the letter 
> 'f', most commonly used in the familiar Apple phrases 'F*** me, have 
> you seen the price of this f***er?' and 'F***ing useless f***ing 
> iPhone fiddly f***ing thing'.
>
> Copyright expert Wayne Hayes said: "Because the composer of /Beowulf/ 
> is unknown and it is thus ascribed as a folk poem, the entire 
> English-speaking world is jointly and equally the subject of the lawsuit.
>
> "If successful, the company will be able to file for damages against 
> about 440 million people and if anybody tells Apple to 'f*** off' they 
> will be liable for three times the damages."
>
> Jobs confirmed that service of the court papers will be completed via 
> page 28 of the new iTunes user agreement update later today and has 
> advised people to start learning Welsh in preparation for a vowel-free 
> existence.
>
>
> http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/apple-to-copyright-individual-letters-201103233655/ 
>
>
I needed a good laugh today. Thank you for that!